Several years ago, a colleague (Bob) showed me the light. I was complaining to Bob about one of his employees (John) missing an important deadline. I assured Bob I had been following the issue closely, and that John had indeed made several mistakes that resulted in the missed deadline. Bob's response was simple yet sincere: "Oh, ok, let me go get John so that we can talk about it." I thought to myself: We? No, I wanted you to talk to him. I quickly stopped him and explained that I wasn't trying to cause a confrontation, and asked if he could talk to John privately. He looked confused. After a short pause, and with a bit of grace, he explained to me that it would be difficult for him to address John without me, since I claimed to have all of the facts about how it happened.
He had a point. Why was I even talking to Bob? Shouldn't I be talking to instead of about John? Fortunately, he didn't have to ask me these questions for me to realize what I needed to do. We still talked to John together. During the discussion, John asked me two questions that I hope I'll never forget: "If you saw that I was making mistakes that would cause us to miss the deadline, why didn't you tell me sooner?", and "Why couldn't you just talk to me instead of involving Bob?"
My experience that day led to a significant change in my honesty policy. I realized that my fear of confrontation made it easier for me to gossip - neither of which make a strong leader. I never again wanted a colleague, friend, family member, etc., to hear my feedback from anyone other than me. I am so aware of this today that I swear I can feel something inside my body cringe to stop me just moments before I say something about somebody that I should be saying to that person.
I'm sure you can think of the numerous benefits of a good honesty policy, but my favorite is trust. Your friends, family, and colleagues may not always want to hear what you really think, but they will probably trust and respect you more knowing that you are an honest, authentic, "straight shooter".
About a year after this incident, I was talking to an executive (Jim) about a consultant whom I felt was taking advantage of our company. I didn't know how to address it directly with the consultant because I had no direct contact with her. A week later, I was called into another colleague's office. She (Jane) politely asked me to shut the door, and then said very professionally: "The next time you have feedback about my work, I would appreciate it if you could address it with me directly." It turns out that Jane was the employee responsible for hiring the consultant and monitoring her work. I had no idea! I apologized as sincerely as I could, briefly explained myself, and assured her that I would try to avoid making the mistake again. Today I have an incredible amount of respect for Jane, and I know I can count on her to tell me what's really on her mind when we work together.
Here are some related lessons I've learned (I know, it's simple stuff...but it wasn't easy for me):
- Address problems and concerns with others early.
- If you can, address problems directly with the person(s) involved.
- Only escalate problems to someone else when an honest attempt at #2 is ineffective.
What's your honesty policy? Leave a comment about your experience?
No comments:
Post a Comment