The Road to Recovery

My dad got sober in the early '90s after a particularly rough bender that nearly took his life.  Thankfully, he found the gift of recovery instead of what he was looking for that night.  I never really thought too much of his drinking when I was a kid.  Sure he'd get out of control at times, but that was normal to us. Soon after rehab, his temper actually got worse.  We didn't understand what he was struggling with.  I know he wanted to drink, but he was determined to stay sober.  He later told me that Alcoholism ran in our family and that I would likely come face-to-face with it myself someday.  The disease eventually took some of our family members, but I'm so grateful that my father died a sober man. 

In my teenage years and early twenties, I considered myself a generally good person and did the things I thought I was supposed to do.  I worked hard, paid my bills, finished high school, went to college, and started a career. Lurking beneath all of the good in my life, however, was a destructive mess of bad relationships, debauchery, selfishness, lying, cheating, stealing, and the consequences that came with all of it: physical and emotional pain, financial trouble, and a constant lingering sense of guilt.  At the time, I couldn't (or wouldn't) see why my life was an absolute mess.  I knew I should stop drinking or at least slow down, but the insanity was that I didn't want to stop.  I drank daily, often to a blackout.  I lost most of my friends and nearly lost my job.  Despite all of the pain my drinking caused, I kept choosing the bottle.  Looking back, there were definitely a few times when God reached out with a helping hand, but I kept pushing it aside.

In 2006, I met Dara - my amazing wife, in case you haven't been following.  She was pretty awesome and I really liked spending time with her.  It was the first time I could remember wanting something more than my next drink.  I knew that some changes were in order if I had any shot of her sticking around.  She could see what I was struggling with, and I knew I had to make a choice.  By this time, my dad had several years of sobriety behind him and was more content, patient, and kind than he had ever been.  Remember Lieutenant Dan?  That was the kind of transformation my dad had (except he didn't get new legs).  He seemed pretty happy and peaceful, so I thought I'd try to find what he had.

Dara helped me look for a church.  Our first stop was a Baptist church that I had driven by hundreds of times.  We found the most down-to-earth pastor I had ever met (not that I've met too many).  One of his sermons was titled "Oops, I did it again".  Yes, he named a sermon after a Britney Spears song.  It still is one of my favorite sermons, which also turned me on to one of my favorite pieces of scripture (Romans 7:14-25).  He eventually came to visit with Dara and me a few times at my apartment.  I hinted that I might have a drinking problem and his response was perfect: "I don't know if you have a drinking problem, but the AA group that meets at the church on Tuesday nights probably would."  There was no judgment or further questioning.  I procrastinated for a few weeks before I finally went to that meeting.  I wasn't ready.  I didn't realize that recovery meant I really couldn't drink anymore, and the thought of never drinking again was just ludicrous.  Unfortunately, it took me almost another year of doing things "my way" and nearly losing Dara before I was finally able to give up and let these folks help me.

I started going to meetings every day and got involved.  I went to 90 meetings in 90 days, even in cities across the country when I traveled for work.  I listened to the old-timers.  They showed me how to make coffee and told me to "keep coming back".  I got a sponsor and followed his directions.  I stuck around and worked the program until the miracle happened.  AA helped me address my alcoholism, and my church helped me find salvation.  Neither of these gifts could have come to me without the other.  

Today I celebrated 15 years of sobriety by the grace of God, the good folks in AA, and the support of a handful of people who love and support me.  Dara was my rock, and we are blessed with two children who have never seen their dad drink.  I eventually stopped going to meetings regularly, but I still go when I need to.  It has been a long and bumpy road that I hope to share more about in this blog, but my worst day sober is a million times better than my best day drunk.

If you think you might have a problem with alcohol or just want to talk about it, you can reach me through the contact form at the bottom of this page or check out your local AA group.  They're great people, and I promise they can help.