Start Walking

June 14th, 1997 was a clear, sunny Saturday.  I would soon be thankful that.  It was also the day that I took my SAT test.  You know, the test that was supposed to help determine whether or not you could get into the college of your choosing.  Like almost any other test I've taken in my life, I obsessed too much about it and did plenty of cramming to prepare for it.  At the time, I lived just outside Sunbury, PA and the test was being held 20 miles away at a high school in Shamokin, PA.  Early that morning, my father and sister dropped me off and wished me luck.

The test went ok.  It took several hours, but I got through it and ended up scoring high enough to get into most of the schools I was looking at.  After I finished, I wandered the halls of the school in search of a phone to call my sister to come pick me up.  When she answered, she told me that Dad was taking a nap.  I asked her to wake him up and see if he would let her come pick me up.  For some reason, he still hadn't gotten comfortable with her driving alone.  After a long hesitation, she set the phone down and went to wake him up.  A few minutes later, she returned and told me to find a ride home with one of my friends.  There were two problems with this.  First, I hardly knew any of the people who took the test that day.  Second, everyone else had already left.  After explaining this to her, I pleaded with her to come get me.  She sat the phone down again.  A few seconds later, I could hear my dad talking.  I couldn't understand all of it, but he was clearly pissed.  I was only able to make out the last two words: "start walking".  I started to panic.  She picked up the phone and said "Dad said to..." I cut her off.  "Yeah, I heard what he said, but is he serious?".  "Yes", she said.  I continued pleading with her, nearly in tears, but both of us knew this decision wasn't going to change.  After a minute or so, I heard him again "Hang up the phone!".  [Click]

I wish I had paid more attention to our drive than my last-minute cramming.  I had only a rough idea of how to get home.  No cell phone.  No Google maps.  Just me, my feet, and the shoulder of a long road home.  I think I cried for the first mile or so, which I regret.  I'm pretty sure it just made me even more thirsty.  After a couple miles, I decided to stick my thumb out and see if someone would stop to pick me up.  Almost immediately, I heard an approaching car slow down.  It passed me at a crawl and pulled over a short distance in front of me.  I thought "Holy cow, that was fast!".  I smiled and broke into a slow jog.  As a approached the rear of Joe Dirtbag's Camaro, he floored it, shot gravel into my chest, and flipped me the bird as he roared away.  Thirsty and humiliated, I cursed my thumb, put it back into my pocket, and continued walking.

I didn't really keep track of time, but I estimate that it took me about 6 hours to get home.  Obviously, it was a memorable experience.  I told my daughter the short version of this story last night, and even showed her the original copy of my test scores, accompanied by a quick pep talk on working hard to succeed in life.  After I kissed her goodnight, I began wondering (for the thousandth time) why my dad made me walk home that day.  Perhaps he wanted to "toughen me up"?  Maybe he was simply too tired?  I'll never know for sure, but I often try to reflect on these experiences to learn a lesson and gain something from them.  In this case, I realize that I am usually very reluctant and sometimes even embarrassed to ask for help...especially from strangers.  That's it!  I need to be more willing to ask for help.  I think I'll share this perspective with my daughter tonight.  It's certainly easier than a 20 mile walk. Life is better when you ask for help.

2017 Part Three - Affirmation

I believe that God has His ways of encouraging us when we're following his lead.  Whether it be with plans "falling into place", from overwhelming support from friends and strangers, or being filled with a calming sense of peace, He lovingly pulls us along the right path.  On the other hand, I've experienced a great deal of stress, frustration, and futility in trying to forge my own path, especially when I'm doing it for the wrong reasons.  I wanted to conclude this third and final part of our family's transition by sharing some of the things, both big and small, that assured us we were making the right decisions.

One of the first miracles was actually landing my new job.  Before I even applied though, it was amazing that my best friend had recently joined the same company and was able to give me his first-hand account of what it was like to work there.  Another miracle was the fact that we sold our home so quickly - in about a month.  We had a lot of "stuff" to get rid of before we moved, so we spent a lot of time selling things on Facebook, Craigslist, and one big yard sale.  I think some people wonder why you're selling your stuff, so we made it a point to note that we were moving and everything had to go.  Naturally, the folks we met during this time would ask us "Where are you moving to?".  When we said "Lancaster", every single person would respond with some encouraging story about how much they love the area or that they had friends who lived there and loved it.

When we were searching for our new house, every home we turned down was a clear "no" for us.  There really wasn't much uncertainty or debate.  We tried to purchase two homes, and both of those opportunities were abruptly taken out of our reach.  When we found the home we ultimately bought, there wasn't anything for us to say "no" to.  The neighborhood was bustling with children, the schools were great, and the neighbors were awesome.  When I looked at the house for the first time, I had the chance to meet a couple of our future neighbors.  They told me we had to buy the house and that, even though they hadn't met my wife yet, they said I seemed "okay" and if she married me, she must be "okay" too!  We hadn't even put in an offer on the house and we already had some cool new friends.  A week after we moved in, the neighborhood had their annual block party.  Our new friends introduced us to a LOT of other families in the neighborhood!  I also learned that there was a men's group that met every 2 weeks just a block away from our house.  It turned out to be a great way to meet some of the other guys in the neighborhood, have some fellowship, and discuss our day-to-day struggles with being a good father & husband.

Awesome stuff happened at my new job, too.  During my first week, I was in orientation with several people who shared that they didn't drink.  This was encouraging for me, since I was not looking forward to having to explain to my new coworkers that I didn't drink either.  It just kinda' came out quickly and painlessly.  Early-on, when I was still commuting and staying at my buddy's place during the week, I found an awesome Wednesday evening bible study.  I had asked my cube-neighbor where I should take some cardboard for recycling.  She said that she usually takes her cardboard to church for crafts and other projects.  I asked her where she went to church, which eventually led to an invitation for me to join them on Wednesday nights.  We hadn't even moved yet and I already had a lead on a great new church!  I was also very surprised by just how many of my new coworkers were Christians and/or actively involved in a local church.

Our actual move did not disappoint either.  A bunch of folks from our old church family had volunteered to help us pack and load the U-Haul.  Of course I didn't want to actually ask for help, so I nonchalantly agreed that we could use "a few extra hands with some of the heavy stuff".  Thank God a literal army of our church members and their families showed up on moving day.  I had seriously underestimated the amount of stuff that we still had to pack and get into the U-Haul, and we definitely needed their help.  One family took our children so that we could focus on packing.  Our pastor packed that truck like nothing I've ever seen before...and I've moved A LOT.  After we had everything loaded up, I'm not sure you could've found a hole big enough to fit a baseball.

Dara and I still ended up pulling an all-nighter to finish packing and cleaning.  Now, we had to drive our cars (separately) to Lancaster for our closing, come back for the U-Haul, drive it down and unload it, then make another round trip to get everything out of our storage units.  We could have taken an extra day to rest, but I had only reserved the U-Haul for 2 days.  We were exhausted, and my rough timeline estimate was telling me that we'd get less than 4 hours of sleep in the next 24 hours if we were going to get everything moved in time.  About 20 minutes into the drive, I really started feeling the sleep deprivation and  I began to panic that we'd never finish in time or that I'd end up in an accident.  Just then, I received a text from our pastor.  He wanted to make sure that we had help unloading in Lancaster.  Somehow, he knew that we needed help.  Not only did he have the U-Haul waiting for us at our new home after our closing, he also managed to recruit one of his buddies in Lancaster to stop over after work and help with the unloading.  We finished the first load in time to get a full night's sleep so that my buddy Scott and I could make the final round-trip in the morning.

We found out that our daughter's school had just been built that summer.  The idea of being one of the first 2nd graders to ever attend this new school seemed to take some of the "new kid" jitters off of her mind.  We had another incredible surprise when we learned that my best friend's wife also got a new job...as the Vice Principal of our daughter's new school!  Now she practically had a family member working at her school.

We knew this transition would be challenging.  In many ways, it definitely was.  We ended up having to dump a considerable amount of money into repairs at our old home, but we still tried our best to find a little joy in the fact that our sacrifice was a blessing to the new owners and their family.  We didn't let it drag us down.  So many other things were working out far beyond our expectations.  I have no doubt we're supposed to be exactly where we are, and I'm so grateful for the many people who have touched our lives and given so much to help our family.  I'm looking forward to discovering why God brought us here and what He has planned for us next.  Whatever it is, I hope and pray we can do it with the same amount of faith, ambition, energy, and support.  Through Him, all things truly are possible.  It is true for us, and I promise it is true for you too.

2017 Part Two - New Home

Soon after accepting a new job that required my family to relocate to Lancaster, PA, we began the process of selling our home and searching for a new one.  As we began the process of listing our home for sale, I instantly regretted my procrastination of the home improvement projects that my wife had been asking about for months.  Time and money now didn't allow for much more than a quick bathroom renovation and some light painting, but apparently it was enough.  We were very blessed to find a buyer within 3 weeks, which put our house hunting into overdrive.

My best friend, Scott, and his wife allowed me to stay at their place so that I could start my new job until we were able to relocate to the area.  Their incredible generosity allowed me to focus on work during the day and spend the evenings house hunting.  Unfortunately, it also meant that my amazing wife would have to take care of the children on her own while also continuing to work three days a week.  My family spent a lot of time on FaceTime in the evenings to help us stay connected while we were apart.  Some of my evening chats were fun and silly, while others ended with teary-eyed pleas for me to come home.  It was tough, but we knew it would be worth it in the end.

We understood our "needs" and "wants" when it came to a new home, and we were prepared to make the necessary concessions on our wants in order to meet our needs.  With what seemed like very little effort, we assembled a list of several homes that we wanted to check out.  At the top of our list was a great home that, despite being a little far from my job, seemed perfect for us.  To be thorough, we checked out a few other homes before making an offer on it.  We carefully negotiated our terms with the owners, who seemed quite committed to selling to us despite our need for a contingency on the sale of our home.  It was "for sale by owner", so we had some additional hoops to jump through in order to get our offer submitted.  Our realtor graciously volunteered to help us submit our offer "free-of-charge", assuring us we would only have to pay a small administrative fee to her office if our offer was accepted.  What she didn't tell us is that her next phone call would be to the sellers to ask for a 3% commission.  This nearly cost us the deal.  The sellers responded by giving us 24 hours to find a lawyer to draft the agreement before they moved on to other offers.  It wasn't until we shelled out nearly $600 in attorney fees that they told us they wanted to be able to accept a better offer right up until our closing date.  This was non-negotiable for them and unacceptable for us.  Frustrated at having wasted nearly 3 weeks on this process, we moved on and resumed our search.

One of many homes that didn't make the cut.

We looked at several other houses over the next few weeks.  Most of the homes were in bad neighborhoods, had poorly-rated schools, or needed significant repairs.  We certainly didn't mind getting a 'fixer-upper' with good bones, but we couldn't afford a major project.  Our search eventually turned up another charming and affordable home in a nice development, so we decided to check it out.  We hadn't wanted to move into a big development, but we also hadn't considered the sense of community that these types of developments could offer.  The first thing I noticed as I arrived was the many families with children outside playing and the sound of laughter all around.  I was excited that this could be our new neighborhood.  The house was pretty great too.  It was fairly new and in need of no major repairs.  It had a great layout, enough (but not too much) space, and a decent yard with a spectacular sledding hill.  Unfortunately, Dara couldn't make it to the showing, so she would have to settle for cellphone video footage of the walk through.  We knew we needed to make an offer on this house, and fast!  The closing on our home was just a short 5 weeks away, and we didn't have any more time to waste.  Just for fun, and because I had a little extra time that afternoon, I asked my realtor to show me another home that was just around the corner in the same neighborhood.  It was definitely out of our budget, but it kept showing up on our Internet searches and seemed amazing in the photos.  In person, it did not disappoint.  We loved everything about it except the price.  Dara agreed, and we decided to put in an offer on the more-modest home that night.

The next day, we received a call from our realtor.  She was having trouble reaching the owner to find out if our offer was accepted.  We said a prayer and continued to wait.  A few hours later, we received another call.  Our realtor sounded frustrated and explained to us that the owner had abruptly left the country, with no response to our offer.  In fact, she didn't even know if or when the owner would return.  We felt defeated.  With less than 5 weeks to find and close on a new home, we became desperate.

Dara and I spent several long nights on the phone revisiting all of the other homes we had seen.  We didn't want to rush into a home that we'd regret, but we also realized that we needed to lower our expectations if we were to find something quickly.  To avoid "buyer's remorse", I suggested that we just needed to find a rental.  Dara wasn't crazy about the idea, but it was certainly more attractive than going into debt for a home that we hated.  Do you want to know how many rentals we found in Lancaster County that would be big enough for the four of us and was willing to allow our 3 dogs?  Two.  One of them was out of our budget, and the other was just awful.

The next few days were torture for me.  I obsessed over the worst that could happen if we couldn't find a place to live before our house was sold.  Would we actually be homeless?  Probably not, but we'd definitely have to continue living apart, find storage for all of our possessions, and board our dogs for weeks using money we didn't really have.  I lived a constant panic attack for two straight days.  When I came home from work, Scott asked if I was alright.  I could see that he was genuinely concerned.  I wasn't ok.  I was terrified.  I went upstairs, fell to my knees, and buried my face into my hands.  I began asking myself: "What have I done?"  "Am I making a mistake?"  "Will I be able to take care of my family?"  "What is going to happen to us?"  I cried out to God: "Please help us"  It was at that moment that I realized I had replaced my praying with worrying several days earlier.  I had stopped trusting that God would provide, and I was back to trying to do things on my own.  No wonder things seemed to be an unmanageable mess!

The next day, I shared my realization with Dara.  She hadn't lost faith and she assured me that everything would be ok.  She suggested we revisit our list of prospective homes again.  Of course our dream home showed up again and we joked about whether or not the sellers would accept a low offer.  We had skipped over it so many times since starting our search, but this time we somehow felt compelled to seriously consider it.  We had exhausted all other options and already tried to buy two previous homes with no success.  With nothing to lose, we prayed about it, double-checked our budget,  and decided to make a crazy offer.  The next day, our realtor informed us that the sellers had just left for vacation.  (Of COURSE THEY DID!)  We simply laughed and kept praying.  God surely has a sense of humor.  This was in His hands, and we knew it. 

Less than 24 hours later, we learned that the sellers accepted our offer and we were under contract for our new home!  It was an incredible blessing after one of the most difficult tests of faithfulness that I have ever faced.  This journey certainly reminded me that God will provide for us, and His plan is often different than what we're expecting.